humor « The Bay Area Brit

The Gay Area Brit

Posted on June 26, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

A few years ago, I was on the N Judah returning home after a Saturday night of drunken debauchery out in the avenues. It was a bright, Sunday June morning, not unlike any other beautiful San Francisco day. I was trying to remember the name of the woman I had woken up next to…Svetlana? No…maybe [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Bay Area Brit, British writer living in the Bay Area, Funny true story, Gay Pride, humor, Matty Stone, The Bay Area Brit, The Gay Area Brit, We're Here We're Queer Get Used To It | 1 Comment »

The Illustrated Guide On How To Dine And Dash

Posted on June 13, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

An Indian restaurant in London called Khan’s had so many issues with people running out without paying their bill that they only hired young, lean Indian waiters that could run the 100 meters in less than 11 seconds. There were usually 9 or 10 servers on the floor, all of them with leg muscles stretched [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Bay Area Brit, Dine And Dash, humor, Khan's restaurant, Matty Stone, Running away without paying, satire, The Bay Area Brit | 2 Comments »

Dear God……Whassuuuuup?

Posted on May 23, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

Dear God This is the first time I have ever written a suicide note…….well….not counting that one time after I strangled that homeless guy and dumped his body in the lake after I accidentally gave him $20 thinking it was a dollar and he wouldn’t give it back. I didn’t know his name and so [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Bay Area Brit, blaspheming Brit, British in the Bay Area, Dark humor, Dear God, humor, Matty Stone, satire, The Bay Area Brit | 4 Comments »

Dear Princess

Posted on May 1, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

To My Dear Lovely Kate, or should I say, Duchess of Cambridge, as you are now known. As I sat by my mailbox waiting for my velvet cloaked invitation to your wedding (an invitation that never came by the way.) I wondered how long it would be before [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Bay Area Brit, Dear Kate Middleton, humor, Matty Stone, Matty Stone is The Bay Area Brit, The Bay Area Brit takes on the Royal Family | 2 Comments »

Steaming Aphrodite

Posted on April 17, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

I recently bought a trunk at a flea market and was surprised to discover that it had a false bottom. Under the faux cover I discovered a diary written in 1909 by a man named Dr. York Van Landingham. Here is a page: July 17th 1909 She was from Mother Russia and her name was [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Aphrodisiac, Bay Area Brit, Dr. York Van Landingham, humor, Matty Stone, rhino horn, The Bay Area Brit, tiger penis | 8 Comments »

I Love The French

Posted on March 28, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

I love the French. I suppose that’s not a particularly popular thing to say, especially if you’re either English or American…but there it is. A friend just returned from a trip to Paris; she fell in love with it. It happens to the best of us. When the French opposed George W’s 2003 invasion of [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Bay Area Brit, British in the Bay Area, Freedom Fries, funny blog, humor, I hate the French, I love the French, Matty Stone, The Bay Area Brit | 4 Comments »

The Gospel According To BART

Posted on March 7, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

For those not familiar with BART, it is the train system that links San Francisco to Oakland and to other more forgettable places in the Bay Area. This is what it’s like: Whatever you do with your graffiti, don’t smoke, drink, or eat it while on BART Also known as Commandment #6 as told in [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: BART parody, Bay Area Brit, funny, humor, Matty Stone, The Bay Area Brit Matty Stone | 6 Comments »

The Bay Area Brit Is One-Year Old…

Posted on February 14, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

…which would likely explain the maturity level of some of the jokes and cartoons. Valentine’s Day is the The Bay Area Brit’s one-year anniversary. And what better way to celebrate by giving fake awards to Brits who have popped up on the American radar in the last year. Award For The Funniest And Meanest Way [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Awards for Brits, Bay Area Brit, Gervais skewewrs celebrities, humor, humour, Katy Perry sans makeup, Matty Stone, one-year anniversary, The Bay Area Brit, The Britties, Top Gear foot in mouth over Mexico comments | 8 Comments »

The Fine Art of Diplomacy

Posted on January 29, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

When I was a kid, my friend Edgar and I were at his house in South London watching a film about American frontiersmen. The adventurous family was heading west in search of a new start. All of their possessions were packed tightly onto a raft made of tree logs and some extra-strength tree vine. Their [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Bay Area Brit, humor, International translator, Matty Stone, The Bay Area Brit, The Bay Area Brit is Matty Stone, the importance of the translator | Leave a Comment »

2011 New Year’s Resolutions: How I’m Doing So Far

Posted on January 23, 2011 by The Bay Area Brit

This is the 50th Bay Area Brit blog, and the first one of the year. I have catalogued my Ten New Year’s Resolutions and will reveal how I’m doing. 1. To Be A Better Person. Well that’s working out pretty well, because the better person I wanted to be was Mother Teresa. As it turns out [...]

Filed under: Uncategorized | Tagged: Bay Area Brit, humor, Matty Stone, New Year's Resolutions Fail, The Bay Area Brit, Top Ten NY resolutions | 3 Comments »

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